ramblings...

today is but an extension of yesterday. most the people in my home are angry and upset at decision made. let me bring it all to a head... lastnight was our final visit with grandma before she left for texas. it was brought to our attention what we already knew she needed to have gastric bypass surgery or well she wont be with us soon enough. her doctors are quite worried about her. seems only the doctors and me and cj are worried bout HER all the others in her life are only worried about themselves. CJ is beyond it all as this was how he was raised his mother leaving him when she shouldnt and always placing him below her boyfriends, lovers, family everyone in general. we spent alot of time trying to get her to see the big picture lastnight. we want her to live to see her grandkids graduate high school but she took absolutely none of it in. chad our 5 year old locked every door in the house so she couldnt leave and then cryed at the front door as his grandma tried to push past to leave. tears were shed by most. cj is wiping his hands of her. he feels if she dont care about dying why should he? he told her he would do the gastric with her they could support eachother in it and learn how to live after the surgery together. she didnt care she is determined to go to texas to take care of james, her mom and her dad. she now has to band both her legs at all times because they have gotten so large. did i mention she cant even reach her legs? i asked her who would do it for her and she said she would have to no one else would!! the doctor said she cant reverse this without medical intervention she needs the gastric or the consequences are death worst case and at minimum she will loose her legs!! did it matter... nope away she went in the car. she is supposed to keep her legs up at all times and that means driving at a minimum but in texas she has to do all that. there is no one else to do it for her. we talked lastnight and although she thinks we r coming to texas cj has said not until he retires his life is here now. as long as we are together he isnt coming back so her plans that we are coming are nothing but pipe dreams. it saddens me that my children cant have the things which me and cj had growing up our grandparents we right where we were to love on and be spoiled by. mine have to choose and 2 years ago they didnt 2 years ago before james grandmas life was here with her sons and her grankids but now she has james and he doesnt wanna be here so away she goes leaving her sons and her grandkids behind. just sad. she tried to make up all these excuses why james didnt come visit over the last 3 months while he was here but we know we are not retarded!! even when we went to their house he would go hide out in the bedroom the whole time... maybe grandma is blinded but we know we are not wanted in that relationship. from the time he enter the picture 1 1/2-2 yrs ago he has done nothing but push her to go to texas and she covers for him all the time drives me crazy!! the man gives me the creeps and cj is adamant about me not being around him alone. did i mention there was some sort of indiscretion when he was with cathy before? it involved cjs ex wife. cj says it happened no doubt but his mom on the other hand doesnt believe it did!! im sorry but with all the terrible things she and cj have told me i dont understand why shes with him again. all this crap is going to kill her!! she had to be hospitalized a month ago because she thought she was having a heart attack... HELLO to much stress!! me and cj are wiping our hands of it all. right now we are not taking her calls we have nothing more to say. she made her choice the second she left and we have to stand by ours. im not going to web cam the kids all it does it upset them when we have to turn it off its a nightmare and its not fair to them. chad completely shuts it down and wont even talk on the phone or get on the cam... hes his fathers son. cj wont take her calls and never gets on the cam. but hey on the good note she will have her precious james... at what a costly cost. come summer shes coming back to get andy which will leave cj with no family here anymore. what a nice mom!! she moved her in 2004 to be close to cj and her grandbabies just to leave right before chads first birthday in 2005 to be with billy her ex husband. then the relationship went sour and she came back in 2006 to stay for good bought herself a trailer and set up housekeeping and sold her home in texas. then in 2008 she got back with her ex ex james and in oct 2009 off to texas she went again!! all along we go on these rollercoaster trips... grandmas here sometimes and e1 is happy then u blink and shes gone again and our family gets sad and stays that way well not this time. im not going to put my kids through that again. she is either here and apart of our lives or she is there and we will see her next visit but the calls all day and the web caming all afternoon.... not doing it again. i cant take watching those little hearts break this time!! but on another note we are doing alot better at surviving week to week and getting the things we need to get done done and for that im happy. im planning to try and reconnect with my best friend again as soon as the weather changes maybe take the kids to the playground at north kingsville so Zoe and Abby can play together. im so glad to have my friend back in my life especially now with all this stuff going on. its like a hole in my heart was filled back up and im glad :)