Another 5 lbs hits the dust!!

Had a great day on the scale yesterday... i was 333lbs on August 1st and i am now 328lbs or i was yesterday on August 21st!! I am doing something right!! Man does it feel good to see something good happening to me :) I am doing really good with the staying positive. I still have rough days but even then i try to add a positive spin on it :) So whats on my agenda for today... my bestie who really is my sister from a different mama :) is coming over with her daughter who yep i call my niece :) and we are going to go out into the pool and get in a workout while the kids play. We may not have come from the same place but shes family to me :) Shes family I got to choose and thats the best kind :) well im off to have some fun have a great day bloggers!!

~Ohio~

Rant...

I am still surprised by people. I just don't get it... why start something you can't handle. Was it all so you could get support for yourself?? What about all the people who came because they needed help?? I guess they really don't matter. ugghhhh... I went from such a positive mood to crap :( I have been let down by people who I thought wanted to make a difference in this world who wanted to become better people and help others get there. I guess all i can do is try and be there for them and keep them on their journey. Its just sad that there are people like this in the world :( Open your eyes before you loose everything!!

Ohio outty

Heres how im feeling:

Why I started this journey...

I started this journey when i became a grandma in Feb 2013. I looked around and realized i am killing myself. Life is passing me by and i am tired of it. My younger children have no idea of the mom i was with the older children. I want to be able to take them places and do stuff with them. I want to be around for my grand daughter Sophia when shes older. I want to start taking part in my life instead of watching it slip away just out of reach. i started this journey at 380lbs and i am now 333lbs. I went from not able to play in the yard with my kids to now i can walk a mile!! I take my kids on trips to Penitentiary Glen, The spillway to feed the fish, to parks & for walks. I am writing this down so when i get discouraged and down i can look back and remember where i was and where i wanna be. We all have bad days but its what we do tomorrow that can helps us make a change for the better :)

Ohio Out!

blog of the day...

well so far so good with my new medication. my doctor put me on 50mg zoloft for my social anxiety disorder & depression. i do have some side effects i get nauseated but not sick just nauseated, insomnia but it went away when i took the med in the am and not the pm and i get these how do i describe it.... these "auto" pilot moments. its like im not me but watching me it seems to happen mainly in the am after i take the med till about 11-12 then it tapers off or disappears. its not really bothersome i just kinda "zone" for a time then snap back. i dont really "feel" less anxiety yet but i just started them on march 18th. my doctor said i may need a dose upgrade im on the low one and can have up to 200mg. i still dont feel an erge to do the things other people do like leave there home, clean there home or even play with there kids. im hoping a combination of the medication and having my best friend back in my life will help me. its so hard to get out of my home and having a friend really helps. we are going to have coffee on the 31st im so excited!! we havent seen eachother for 2 yrs... this is so awesome!! im hoping she will see a difference in me when we see eachother :) or atleast think im where i was even 2 yrs ago. i have really gone downhill in the last 2 yrs and getting back to that point would definitely be an improvement!! you know what i just realized... im scared. im scared that ill loose my friend again :( i think thats why i havent been in real "contact" with her. i so badly want to be where we were but in the same breath im scared ill loose her again and be devastated again. she was like my sister. cj says im being silly he is just happy to see that light back in my eye. when i told him bout the coffee date i was so excited and he was happy to see me get excited again. maybe i am just being silly. im truly blessed to have her and her family back in my life and my familys life :) btw... i am taking my mother in laws calls again lol. well my little ones are stirring and want food so im leaving now :) till next time!

ramblings...

today is but an extension of yesterday. most the people in my home are angry and upset at decision made. let me bring it all to a head... lastnight was our final visit with grandma before she left for texas. it was brought to our attention what we already knew she needed to have gastric bypass surgery or well she wont be with us soon enough. her doctors are quite worried about her. seems only the doctors and me and cj are worried bout HER all the others in her life are only worried about themselves. CJ is beyond it all as this was how he was raised his mother leaving him when she shouldnt and always placing him below her boyfriends, lovers, family everyone in general. we spent alot of time trying to get her to see the big picture lastnight. we want her to live to see her grandkids graduate high school but she took absolutely none of it in. chad our 5 year old locked every door in the house so she couldnt leave and then cryed at the front door as his grandma tried to push past to leave. tears were shed by most. cj is wiping his hands of her. he feels if she dont care about dying why should he? he told her he would do the gastric with her they could support eachother in it and learn how to live after the surgery together. she didnt care she is determined to go to texas to take care of james, her mom and her dad. she now has to band both her legs at all times because they have gotten so large. did i mention she cant even reach her legs? i asked her who would do it for her and she said she would have to no one else would!! the doctor said she cant reverse this without medical intervention she needs the gastric or the consequences are death worst case and at minimum she will loose her legs!! did it matter... nope away she went in the car. she is supposed to keep her legs up at all times and that means driving at a minimum but in texas she has to do all that. there is no one else to do it for her. we talked lastnight and although she thinks we r coming to texas cj has said not until he retires his life is here now. as long as we are together he isnt coming back so her plans that we are coming are nothing but pipe dreams. it saddens me that my children cant have the things which me and cj had growing up our grandparents we right where we were to love on and be spoiled by. mine have to choose and 2 years ago they didnt 2 years ago before james grandmas life was here with her sons and her grankids but now she has james and he doesnt wanna be here so away she goes leaving her sons and her grandkids behind. just sad. she tried to make up all these excuses why james didnt come visit over the last 3 months while he was here but we know we are not retarded!! even when we went to their house he would go hide out in the bedroom the whole time... maybe grandma is blinded but we know we are not wanted in that relationship. from the time he enter the picture 1 1/2-2 yrs ago he has done nothing but push her to go to texas and she covers for him all the time drives me crazy!! the man gives me the creeps and cj is adamant about me not being around him alone. did i mention there was some sort of indiscretion when he was with cathy before? it involved cjs ex wife. cj says it happened no doubt but his mom on the other hand doesnt believe it did!! im sorry but with all the terrible things she and cj have told me i dont understand why shes with him again. all this crap is going to kill her!! she had to be hospitalized a month ago because she thought she was having a heart attack... HELLO to much stress!! me and cj are wiping our hands of it all. right now we are not taking her calls we have nothing more to say. she made her choice the second she left and we have to stand by ours. im not going to web cam the kids all it does it upset them when we have to turn it off its a nightmare and its not fair to them. chad completely shuts it down and wont even talk on the phone or get on the cam... hes his fathers son. cj wont take her calls and never gets on the cam. but hey on the good note she will have her precious james... at what a costly cost. come summer shes coming back to get andy which will leave cj with no family here anymore. what a nice mom!! she moved her in 2004 to be close to cj and her grandbabies just to leave right before chads first birthday in 2005 to be with billy her ex husband. then the relationship went sour and she came back in 2006 to stay for good bought herself a trailer and set up housekeeping and sold her home in texas. then in 2008 she got back with her ex ex james and in oct 2009 off to texas she went again!! all along we go on these rollercoaster trips... grandmas here sometimes and e1 is happy then u blink and shes gone again and our family gets sad and stays that way well not this time. im not going to put my kids through that again. she is either here and apart of our lives or she is there and we will see her next visit but the calls all day and the web caming all afternoon.... not doing it again. i cant take watching those little hearts break this time!! but on another note we are doing alot better at surviving week to week and getting the things we need to get done done and for that im happy. im planning to try and reconnect with my best friend again as soon as the weather changes maybe take the kids to the playground at north kingsville so Zoe and Abby can play together. im so glad to have my friend back in my life especially now with all this stuff going on. its like a hole in my heart was filled back up and im glad :)

a day in the life of a mom...

well today was such a busy day!! i woke up at the usual 8am to get the elementary kids off to school. nicole is suspended so only beth needed to get up and get ready. beth woke up with a stomach bug so i had mess to clean right off the bat ugg. i decided to keep her home and let the bug pass. mark my jr high child has been suspended off the bus so i need to take him into school and pick him up. i take him in late because i need to get the younger ones off but today i dont need to so i clean up the mess while the older ones help the younger ones get dressed. we still dont get to leave till 9am. i drop off mark at his school and head over to grandmas house to drop off 3 of the 5 i have with me. i visit with grandma and have a cup of java then me, becka & nicole head out to get our groceries. i speed demon it through the store and spend $280 to feed a family of 10 for a week. not bad considering my cart was exploding at the seams!! i head back to grandmas no time to visit i need to get the food home. so i take all 5 and away we go thanking grandma for the help. it truly is a blessing to have family there to help you with raising such a large family. we arrive home with our furry family barking up a storm... they miss us when we go anywhere!! i have the kids help unload the van and put away all the food. the little ones really like helping :) now that the food is put away its time to think about getting dinner started. no rest for mom. i get the roast started and add the carrots, potatoes and seasoning. mmm! in come the kids they want lunch! so i clean everything up and start again making pb & j sandwiches for them. with dinner started and lunch done i can finally sit for a minute and get a smoke and a cup of java. all this and its ONLY 12:45 in 1 1/2 hrs i get to load e1 back up in the van to go get mark from school. and i still have the joy of cleaning up from lastnights messes. wow what a busy day for me :) is it nap time yet lol!!

a cup of tea...

today was a much better day. i was able to complete all my morning routines and all my afternoon routines :) the kids dinner is cooking i have a nice warm cup of tea and i just finished shining my sink :) literally!! i feel so rejuvenated and i think i may be able to keep this going. im so proud of myself. i had a bump in the road with the kids trying to get them to sit and do homework or read for an hour but all in all i consider this day a good one :) i now have 30 minutes to sit and rest with my tea before going to work on the kids dinner some more then around 7-730 ill get going on mine and CJs dinner. we are having 1 stuffed pork loin chop baked not fried, 1 baked potato with 2 spoons of sour cream and butter and a small dinner salad. alot less than we would have a week ago. im sitting in a clean dinning room with a table ready to be eaten at :) and the living room looks great and no TV can be heard ahhhhh. my bathroom sink looks awesome and considering it doesnt work u would think it always would but the kids insist on using it and it doesnt drain right so it was icky but now its gorgeous!! toilet on the other hand i think i need a sos pad for i tried the scrubber and did the best i could :( still got gunk in the u know boys gunk place :| come friday ill get a better tool to finish it up :) so today my mood is on the up and up hope yours is too :)